B1 — SOCIAL SKILLS

Seven Short Lessons on How to Express Yourself Adequately in Conversation

Remember that nowadays, every conversation is a job interview.


1. Remember clarity.
Always speak slowly and clearly. Pretend you’re talking to an artist.

2. Remember to make transitions.
You can make transitions by changing seating position, pausing, using visual aids, picking up a prop or sharply varying your tone of voice. Do anything that breaks the pattern of what you were doing, and introduces what you plan to do next. Remember the timing. timing is not so much knowing how or when to speak but knowing when to pause.

3. Remember the humor.
Humor begins with the choice of words. Know which words are funny and which words are not. Alka Seltzer is funny. You say ‘Alka Seltzer’ you get a laugh. Words with ‘k’ in them are funny. Casey Stengel, that’s a funny name. Robert Taylor is not funny. Cupcake is funny. Tomato is not funny. Cookie is funny. Cucumber is funny. Car keys. Cleveland. Ipso facto. Critic/curator. Postcolonial. Postcolonial is funny. Maryland is not funny. Then there’s chicken. Chicken is funny. Pickle is funny. Interdisciplinarity is not funny. Someone actually researched why the ‘k’ sound is funny; it has something to do with the sounds we associated with comfort as babies. Like cootchie-coo, cuddle, cozy, etc. But the choice of words aside, humor hinges on the punchline. The punch-line gets its name from the delivery technique. You must punch the line out a little harder and with a slightly different voice than the rest of the joke. Say it louder and more clearly than you said the setup lines. Just before the punchline you should pause slightly to emphasize and draw special attention to the line. Also, deliver the line to one person and one person only. The person to whom you deliver the punchline is NOT randomly chosen. I deliver punch lines to a person I know is going to laugh. How do I know? I pay attention. That’s how I know.

4. Remember the gestures.
The larger the group, the larger and slower the gestures. If you have a small group, use smaller gestures. Generally, let your words trigger your actions. If you are counting, hold out your fingers. If you say no, shake your head no. Hold your hands open and wide apart to show sincerity and honesty. Hold your hands behind your back when asked a question (but don’t overdo it). Also avoid excessive hands in pockets, clenched fists, pointing, hands on hips, and the infamous fig leaf position where your hands are crossed in front of your groin.

5. Remember the competition.
Do not hesitate to blow out other people’s candles to make yours shine brighter. If you do it well, no one will notice.

6. Remember how to close a conversation.
If the subject is appropriate, humorous closings are preferable for several reasons. If you leave them laughing, an extremely positive impression about you will remain. The same shift in technique can be very effective in ending a mostly humorous engagement. Have them laughing all along while you make your points. Then finish seriously. This contrast will create a great impact. It will convey the fact that you believe in a lighthearted approach to the subject, but the results are very serious to you.

7. Remember to revise.
Make a transcript of your conversations, which you can record with a standard digital voice recorder. How did you fare? Did you seem dull, insecure, or self-indulgent? Here’s an exercise: circle every ‘I’ and every ‘you’ that you have uttered. What’s the ratio? If it’s not three to one in favor of ‘you’, rewrite your conversation.